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January 14, 2007



Why isn't there more media news about these kinds of men?
It's a timely question.
The mainstream media are all too easily guilty of portraying 'Bullies' as macho men who are a.o.k.


It's frightening to know just how sick some men (and women) are.
I've got a controlling father.
I went from first family into a first relationship where there was also a controlling, coercive man, just not my dad.
I've spent a lot of time in therapy to resolve what I've experienced, with a very fine therapist who stood by me whilst I let go of a great deal of inner pain from abuse by men.
I've just read Ordeal about Linda Lovelace's book.
It's very heartwrenching to read yet it tells women exactly how extreme these bully men can be.
I'm saddened when I hear men or women tell others including their children "toughen up" when the fact is gentleness and sensitivity are gifts, not to be exploited by violent people.
I wish for healing for all the women who have suffered as Linda Lovelace have.
I wish for healing for all the women who have suffered from controlling, abusive men who were "not well".
That's the truth of it.
They are psychologically not fit to have relationships unless and until they gain full ongoing therapy and change.
I haven't met this kind of man who goes to therapy and changes yet.
I have done a lot of inner work as well as looked at how men are conditioned by society in western world.
I have met a wonderful man though this is one who isn't controlling and abusive.


As both a person who spent years in an emotionally abusive marriage, I can tell you that nothing feels worse than to have another person refer to your abusive spouse as "charming". It was almost "the" word that told me that everything my abusive spouse had sold me in the first place, and what I know now to be a lie, was being played out in a 'second tier' of subterfuge.
I had a friend of mine relate that she though everything was picture perfect. and I DO need to agree with it, it was perfect, for a picture. It was so good that anything that was painted into it looked so incredibly lifelike. As long as she gave quick glimpses to others ,they were incapable of realizing it wasn't a reflection of us, or of me, at all. It was what she wanted them to see. Maybe that is why it felt like I was being made slowly immobile and trapped. It made the 'picture' more realistic.

Suzanne Bourke

The abusive man I was with had an unrealistic view of his marriage. His marriage was perfect, his kids are perfect the town he lived in he refers to as paradise! "Everything was perfect until the drugs." Well the man has been drug free for 4 years now and claims he never hit a woman and he's going on protection order number 5. Part of his comment is true when he stated he never "hit" a woman he meant that he never punched a woman. I guess that means it's okay to pull hair, pinch triceps until they bruise, strangle a woman and squeeze a 3 month old infants wrist until he screams bloody murder. This man was my best friend for 4 years and I knew him for 8 years before I ever dated him. So I think I would add that a delusion recollection of his life being perfect would be an additional tell tale sign.

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