You might be wondering: “What possible interest could the
size of my boots hold for you, Annie?”
(Sure, I’m not offering to buy them, and I’m not plotting to
run off with them. Not unless you have
some nice pairs of Jimmy Choo’s – unworn, please – in a size 4½. In which case, please notify me, asap.)
So, to a point you’d be right, I’m not hugely interested in
your shoe size, per se. But
here’s what I am interested in: that old anxiety about ‘being too big for your
boots’.
Isn’t funny how often children are told: “You are getting too big for your boots”?
My client, “Matt”, (not his real name, naturally) was talking about that the other
day. He’s hugely talented at
what he does. Yet his - personal and professional - rewards fall
well short of his ability. Matt’s
brilliant at selling himself short. (He
must be the only one!)
He’s tired of going round and round the same vicious
circle. But he doesn’t know how to get
out of it.
Other people always tell him how great he is. But he might as well be Teflon coated. Appreciation just doesn’t stick. (Criticism does though.) You only have to say something good about
him and he does a funny little physical and mental squirm thing, until the
praise slithers down the nearest drain.
It turns out that as a little boy he was told:
- You’re too big for your boots
- Pride
goes before a fall
- Get
too excited and it will end in tears
Great messages, huh?
I said to him; “You were taught not to get too big for your
boots. What if you tried so hard not to
be too big for your boots, that you have always made sure you were too small
for your boots? Have you ever thought about that.”
He hadn’t.
But you have, right?
Matt is a bright guy, so it didn’t take him long to realize that being too small for his boots has kept him ‘punching below his weight’.
He had made a connection in his own head between things
‘grown ups’ say to children and taking a legitimate satisfaction in his adult
achievements. Yes, it was
completely wrong-headed, but it was his, and in a curious kind of way,
he loved it.
He must have loved it, mustn’t he, in that love-hate sort of
way? Otherwise why would he give it
headspace for so many years? Why would
anyone?
He didn’t love it enough to hold onto it, once the reality
was pointed out to him. In fact, he was
delighted to say goodbye to it.
That was a couple of days ago.
Today he called me up to say that ‘something must have
shifted’ since we worked together. Two
new clients have appeared out of the blue.
Matt’s feeling better.
Positively dancing for joy.
He’s learned something. He’s learned that when you wear the right size boots, you’re far less
likely to take a fall.
He’s learned that legitimate pride in your achievement goes before… ongoing success and satisfaction.
Now there’s a lesson.
Next time you take a look at your footwear, hold that
thought.
Until next time,
Warmly,
Annie
Comments