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December 22, 2010

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me

WOW - this is me, Teetering on the edge of the diving board, ready, but never jumping. My fear keeps me there. I am so dependant and with 4 kids, and no drivers license, the fear seems soooo very paralyzing.

Sunnie

Hi there, I can totally relate to the 'diving syndrome' that you so well portray. I actually would take the dive, get out of the pool and go up the steps again and contemplate the dive yet again. This fortunately has only lasted about a year. I am in the pool right now and have gotten out of the water twice but did not go up the ladder, so to speak. I kept waiting after getting back into the relationship for another one of his lies to surface so that I could muster up the anger enough to take the dive again. I recently read about the 'abusive spouse cycle' and WOW. I have been doing ok and discovering what I like and what things about me aren't true that he said about me. I can survive and be well. I am a single mother of 3, not his, and I am back to being on 'my own'. He would often reiterate to me how lucky 'we were' to be together since probably no man could do what he did(put up with 3 kids that aren't his). Nonetheless, I find myself focusing on his 'positive side' and recently I answered his messages to me..the ones that beg for forgiveness, tell me how much he loves me, so on and so on. I KNOW they are manipulative and yet I still responded, all of them were angry except the last one where I tell him that 'I will always love him and this is why this hurts so much. Goodbye.' I was fine until that last text message and somehow I felt like I had given my power away, yet again. Big surprise, I feel depressed. Even though I got the last word, I still struggle with going back and forth in my head about what he is thinking, doing, feeling, etc. I hate that he still has this power that I am giving him. I am looking for a support group because I never imagined this would be so hard. Thank you for your analogy and I am determined to stay off the stairs and going on that damn diving board yet again. Thanks.

Nolongeraslave

IMO, pressuring someone to leave when they're not ready can make it worse. I stayed with my abusive parents until I finished my masters degree. People were telling me to get out ASAP, but I had no money to do it. I knew I would make it outside of my parents' house by waiting to get a job after graduation.

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