“If we are used to being nice, why do you think it is so easy to change? I have subscribed to your emails and was watching your video today and this thought popped into my head: it is just plain hard to be mean to people we care for, including an abusive (ex-)partner, if we are not abusive. Either I have to be Miss Mega Bitch or Miss Get Run Over. There seems to be no happy medium.” Louise
Here's the thing, Louise: you've spent your time being nice to - that is doing back flips to please - a man who treats you badly –and, all the while, treating yourself badly, when you could get to treat yourself well.
So, it's never about changing away from being nice. It's all about loving yourself first, and not casting pearls before swine. Pigs can eat anything, after all. But that really doesn't mean that each time you make a beautiful meal you should chuck it into the pigsty. Pigs are very happy - as I understand it - with leftover table scraps, or swill.
But how can you ever expect someone to cherish you, if you are not prepared to do that for yourself?
How can you educate someone to treat you well, if you do not teach them how, by doing it for yourself?
Start giving your very best to yourself. Who deserves your best more than you do, after all? And extend that best only to those people who deserve it.
Your abusive ex-husband will neither know, nor care, if you give him scraps from your generous heart.