Abused No More

"It's not about you" Part 1

When you are in an abusive relationship, you quickly discover that everything you do is wrong.   

The message your abusive partner gives you loud and clear is that it’s all about you and what you do wrong.   

The relationship can’t work because of what you do wrong.  He loses his temper sometimes and becomes hostile because of what you do wrong.  If he doesn’t have a job, that is because of what you do wrong.  If he has a job and is desperately unhappy then that’s because of what you do wrong.  Everything bad that happens in his life is somehow because of what you do wrong.

You are always to blame, for everything.

If something good were to happen, which it rarely does, that would not be about you; that would be about him.  And if, by chance, it does happen, life will surely fall back into the old negative default pattern before long, and that will be because of what you do wrong. 

A crude, but accurate, rule of thumb would be this: everything is always, entirely your fault, because of what you do wrong.   

It’s not surprising abused women think that ‘it’ is all about them.  They hear it often enough.   

But here’s the curious thing; CLICK HERE to continue reading

On Courage

Last week I ran a workshop for a number of abused women who were quite clear that they wanted more courage.  If they could only have more courage, they said, they would be able to:

• Stand up to abusive ex-partners
• Feel better about themselves
• Get their life back on track
• Resolve their existing abusive relationships
• Replace their toxic relationship with a functional one

You know the kind of thing.  You may have said it yourself – I know I have - whether you have said it about ‘courage’ or ‘confidence’. 

What it means is approximately: ‘I don’t’ feel able to take charge of my life right now.  When I have more of this thing that I lack, I will be able to.’ 

Now, one of the most inspirational things I have ever heard was said by NLP Trainer Jamie Smart (www.saladltd.co.uk).  This is what he said: CLICK HERE to carry on reading.