Abused No More

"Do I Really Have To End This Relationship?"

What’s the thing that abused women most hate doing?

Ironically, the thing that abused women most hate doing is finally walking away from a bad relationship.

Logic suggests that it should be a ‘no brainer’ to walk away from someone who has made you profoundly miserable on any number of occasions.   

Yet those of us who have been there know all too well how absurdly difficult it feels.

The viler the man’s behaviours, the more you obsess about his ‘potential’.   

With almost religious zeal you’ve archived... to continue reading CLICK HERE

What do you expect?

Recently I notice a shift within my own head as I move on from healing from a bad relationship to thoughts of creating a good relationship in my life.

The process so far has been interesting, entertaining, challenging at times and quite emotionally wearing, as I test it all out in the relationship marketplace. 

And then it struck me that I am still behaving in accordance with an old belief that relationships are emotionally wearing.

It was precisely that belief that helped propel me into my abusive marriage. 

All these years on, I believe I deserve better. I believe I have a right to better. Still, at a level so deep that I hadn’t even registered it, my expectation was still alarmingly negative. 

   

Beware the Pedestal

Almost invariably, abused women revisit the early days of their relationship with regret. Their partner put them on a pedestal.

Boy it felt good to be on that pedestal!

If you have rarely felt special in months, years, or worse, your whole life, how seductive is a pedestal? 

Finally, there is someone who is acting out your wildest dreams for you. From a standing start, he quickly says the kind of things you had always hoped to hear (but wondered if you ever would). He is the ardent suitor who won’t take “no” for an answer. He tells you that none of the women he knew can compare with you.

Are you gratified? You bet, you are.

And yet, even then the warning signs are there. CLICK HERE to carry on reading

"Can I Trust Him To Change?"

Hi Annie

I have been together with my husband for 23 years, we have teenage 2 kids. I moved out 5 months ago because of physical abuse that went on for 23 years. I am in a 6mth lease to see if I want to go back to him again. The question I have is...is it possible he can change without help?

He says he knows I am serious and promises it will never happen again as he understands he crossed the line. I don't know if maybe I should see a therapist as I find myself very confused about this, and really should it not be a simple answer if it has being going on for 20 some years ( it takes about a year between blow ups ).

Martha