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October 28, 2007

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Robert

I also think a very good response to these expert manipulators is to say " Your saying that because ? " and then look them in the eye.

Exsample- He says " You can't iron to save your own life, the clothes end up with more wrinkles in them then when you started " Then you say in a matter of fact way " Your saying that because" this will put him off gaurd and he may reply with " Because your an idiot " And your reply again is " Why would you say that" The trick is to keep hitting him with questions and not show any hurt in your face. These 4 year olds trapped in the bodies of adults don't like questions.

DEBRA VILJOEN

I have been permanently seperated from my abusive husband for almost three years. Unfortunately we have three kids together. Needless to say he does not help to raise these kids in any way and pays maintenance as and when he feels like it. And yet he dictates when he will see them. He has just this morning taken them to his mother for a three day visit after I had said that it didn't suit me. He does not abide by any rules of course and does whatever he wants. I am so angry that even though I eventually got the courage to leave the relationship I still have not escaped his abuse. Help pls.

hazel croucher

Hi Annie
With regard to the "uh,uh,OK" response, sometimes it takes me through the blankness of understanding what he's saying and sometimes the small chest pain.
"What?" is sometimes effective but it's so tiring with this kind of deliberate communication.
What I do get with the "uh,uh!" or truthful I'm not saying anything becuase I feel blank or I don't understand" is a response going something like - you hate it if I show emotion/I'm not allowed to show emotion/ I feel so overwhelmed i can't manage without you. It's like living in a foreign language and to think I've been dealing with this for 30+ years. Must be mad.
SAM
PS please address to SAM on weblog

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