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July 15, 2007



OMG- I just found this web site & can't believe how similar ( if not exact) my feelings & situationwas/is. I left my husband this past july after 31 years of anguish & fear! Just recently rea;lized I lived with a pshychotic emotional abuser. I am so proud of myself that I did it - leaving him. Still have a long road ahead, but I can walk proudly.


I have a friend who has reframed things for me. You are not trapped..that was what I ALWAYS said to myself and felt with my energy draining away...you have done your best so far and now you are taking a break before carrying on to another small step of victory. Also, I found it very helpful to write down what he was doing and having gone back to reread some items am shocked that I have put up with this. The quandray as some have mentioned are the head games where the kids are concerned and that is my 'button' mine pushes. My friend works with kids and has asked me to ask them what do they want me to do..intervene when he is being horrible to them (verbally) or not. They have all told me emphatically to stay out of it. Now I need to do babysteps (finances, first) before I can leave. My daughter especially is losing faith in my abilitry to be a 'together' person and so now I need to leave not just for me but for her so she sees that you can end such arediculous situation where one person thinks he is king yet whines he is bullied etc. when I attempt to be an equal partner. This is very hard but if we reframe it we can end it. Our kids will survive and thrive if we can show them that they can get help and that this is not allowed toward us. The other thing is ..they will not change so try, try , try to care about YOU and what you need..this is very hard as we feel tremendous guilt when someone is unhapy and that sways us..but what about YOUR unhappiness?? Don't you count?? best; wishes as we have all lived and are living such similar lives you would think our collective energy could pull us out.


Well, if you don't leave, Sue, the decision is meaningless. Life outside the cage is far better than you could possibly imagine.

sue hall

making the decision to leave is easy, doing it is the hardest part. A big weight lifted from my shoulders when i made my disicion to leave, i felt like a bird that had been let out the cage. will i leave? i wonder.


I'm trying to be couragous but don't know if I can pull it off. It's almost easier staying in the relationship "hoping" I can make it through. Then I feel bad for wanting out because he's nice for a minute. He's "sorry" it will "never happen again". He's not working.We have four kids I'm working full time and going to school full time. How will I make it on my own????? praying for strength and courage


I feel like I'm trapped as well. Those were my exact words tonight. He says he records every thing I say or do to make me look bad, tells me he wants me to leave, says he'll use all he's gathered against me when I do. He'll say that he won't use it against me sometimes but I know deep down that would only be the case if I did exactly what he wanted me to do with custody of our kids together. He threatens to call my little girl's dad and tell him things so I'll lose her too. He calls me names, belittles me in every way possible. I have no job and was going to school until he somehow talked me into quitting. I had an ex who I talked to about the situation and he found out about it and accused me of cheating on him but yet since we've been together he's told me that he still contacted his exes because they were his friends. Like, it was ok for him but not for me. He's wishy washy with rules and feel like I can't do anything right. I feel blackmailed, unloved, unwanted, and "trapped".


I too am "frozen" in my lack of courage to leave, my self-loathing and most of all my fear of the unknown, and fear of not being able to support our very young son and myself and also a massive fear of his retaliation towards us if I ever leave, I oftentime's resign myself to the what I believe is the fact that I am trapped and have absolutely no better choice than to remain here, at least until our son is 18, at least I can be around him 100% of the time, if I leave I fear all of the sudden his Dad will "want" to be Super-Dad, and get custody, or at least 50% which would be a total joke, as he barely spends time with him while living w/him, it would be out of pure venegance, but I wouldn't put it past him. I feel I must stay to prevent this. I truely feel as if I am trapped.

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