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February 17, 2006

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Goldy 55

I understand the woman's concern for being alone. The sad reality is she has been living "alone". She obviously doesn't see it, but you can believe she feels it. She doesn't realize she will feel much better after she gets this trash out of her life. I left a marriage after 33 yrs, but I knew anything had to be better than what I had going. Although I don't have a lot of outside activities going right now, I'm at peace & for what ever reason...lots of Hope! My friends have said "aren't you lonely" & are totally surprised by my comment "no". If you've never lived w/an abuser, you can't understand how lonely it is. Yes you go out & you smile, laugh while you are w/your husband, but go to a restaraunt & notice other couple's who don't engage themselves. That was my life. The last yr., I refused to go out to dinner w/my husband because he didn't want to discuss anything w/me & I told him I could eat at home w/o engaging. I realize I was starting to push him away & preparing myself. Of course, he is now trying to make me pay for getting a divorce, but after a yr. into this, I realize how damaged I had allowed myself to become.......all in the name of protecting my daughter. I stayed only because I wanted her to have a Dad at home. WRONG! I do know that if I had left earlier, she would have been much more damaged because he would have made it his mission in life to punish her to get to me. An ex. she went to private school & his lst phone call would have been, we cannot afford it. She is now on deployment overseas & yes he did get her involved & my relationship w/her is damaged, but she is out of the pix. & he can't get to her anymore except w/a few minutes of expensive phone calls. Thank God for small favors!

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